The Grace Found in the Attempt

   As I sit down to right this, I have found that this topic is striking a particular chord with me today. I went out to coffee this morning with some women in my life who have been great sources of friendship and encouragement and ended up discussing a matter that had been close to my heart. I confided in them that the hurt and rejection I had experienced by an individual and received very wise insight and a healthy sifting through the emotions I was feeling but couldn’t (or rather refused) to name. As I worked through the hurt, memories, and expectations gone awry, I realized and admitted something I was struggling with that I had told myself I wouldn’t and wasn’t.

   Bitterness.

   In my own life, as for everyone else endeavoring to follow Christ, I have habits, tendencies, and reactions that I wish I didn’t. In this particular case, the Holy Spirit brought to light the reality of the state of my heart. Once I finally chose to sit with it this morning and realized that I had allowed bitterness to move into my space, frustration and guilt began to nag at me. I know better, I thought I let it go? Lord, I know this isn’t right, God I’m trying to move on! In an attempt to honor the Lord by forgiving a person, realizing I was in fact still holding onto the situation brought swift disappointment. In my earlier days as a believer, I would have let these feelings consume me and dictate my worth. I struggled heavily with a burdensome guilt and shame I couldn’t seem to shake when I fell short in any area of my life, but particularly in sin. I would read scripture and translate it to my life and current struggles through a lense of perfection and shame instead of faith and grace.
I endeavored to prove myself as worthy of God’s grace (because what do you mean it doesn’t expire after my self imposed limit of failed attempts?) out of guilt, shame, and self-hate. I thought that the longer I went without that sin, that it would build this type of spiritual credit with God, and I would be more worthy of the grace I so needed. It is with a much healed and grateful heart that I can now say that this isn’t the truth at all, and there is a better way to cling to grace.

   God’s way.

   Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

   God never intended us to view grace as a transactional deal or something we had to work to earn. But rather, a gift and driver of love. Where me and you fall short, grace is meant to meet us and bridge the gap until what we don’t want to do becomes something that doesn’t have a hold on us. And when we do fall short, we are forgiven and washed clean. God’s grace was meant to comfort and turn our eyes back to Christ in the midst of struggle. Your desire to do right, trying, and failing isn’t taking advantage of God’s grace. But rather, it makes room for it. Because if we never allowed ourselves to receive the tender mercies of Christ, we would never truly understand the sacrificial love of God and the need for the Holy Spirit as our helper. We wouldn’t fully understand and appreciate the shedding of Christs blood for our sins, and we would fail to see the holiness and sanctification process of the mind being renewed.

   So today, if there is something in your life you’re endeavoring to stop doing, and you’re feeling guilty and angry at yourself for messing up again…just know that God isn’t disappointed in you. Yes, His heart grieves for us, but He is ready and available to help you to cross over the hill of bondage through His grace by faith. Today, humble yourself before the mighty hand of God and admit your fleshly weaknesses, repent, receive forgiveness, forgive yourself, rebuke anything that needs to go, and ask God to help you to be able to do what He has asked you to do. God loves helping His beloved. He doesn’t feel burdened by our cry for help and grace, but extends it willingly and joyfully.
His love for us isn’t conditional, and when we are endeavoring to follow His ways and ultimately have moments of falling short, His view of us doesn’t change. We are safe to work out our salvation and sanctification with Him, without fear of abandonment.

How do you see the grace of God? Does it align with scripture?